Looking into a tinted-glass mirror.

**Originally posted on Myspace on December 18th, 2008**

Once in a while, life affords us glimpses into the future. Never more than a peek or a glance, these moments nevertheless can be incredibly profound. Sometimes it can hurt, granting a false sense of security in a future that’s anything but secure. I’m a firm believer in the ever-changing future; our actions constantly write and rewrite events far beyond our perception. So when I recently caught sight of a, let’s say, “unsavory” version of myself, who with a lot of douchebaggery and not a lot of effort, I could become, I took note. I’m going Sarah Connors. It’s disheartening and embarrassing to see the worst in you manifested, but it’s even more shameful if you let an injured pride or self-pity stand between you and self-improvement. It doesn’t take much, a couple of degrees humility and dogoodedness, to correct your course and remember your ideal destination.

So lately I’ve been pretty stressed. In addition to coping with my miserable time-management skills, I’m floundering in Physics. No one told me I’d have to try senior year. My problems stems from a lack of caring. I cannot focus on anything that I absolutely do not care about. Unfortunately the coefficient of friction falls into that category. Oh, my friends, but the whining doesn’t end there. I’m actually lucky enough to face some “grown-up” problems, mainly money. There’s paying for the dent in the parked car I slid into (un sello para mi!), paying car insurance, paying for Christmas presents, and paying a little extra each paycheck to a savings account for me–which, by the way, I wholeheartedly hate. Before, all of my paycheck (minus maybe sixty bucks) would go into my savings account already. Why should I have to pay more of my money to a separate savings account? I guess it has taught me one lesson, though not the lesson this whole business was intended to teach me, I think. Sometimes, no matter how ironclad and bulletproof your logic is, your argument can be veto’d with a simple shake of your parents’ head. I guess the moral of the story is I should consider myself lucky now. I’m just getting a nibble of what it’s like to be crushed with financial burden. I’m really not looking forward to the whole meal.

Cheers, and Happy Holidays.

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