Chivalrous masochism is redundant.

*posted originally on myspace on 11/13/2008*

There come times in our lives when we are faced with overwhelming decisions–decisions that will inevitably change who we are or what we believe in. Decisions that will have long-term consequences that we can’t run or hide from. Fear and uncertainly clouds our judgment because often time the choice we make will have consequences we can’t imagine, consequences that are both important and indelible. How do you know if you’re making the right choice? In many cases you don’t know until far down the road, when the window of opportunity has been shut and locked; the curtains drawn. At the end of the day, our lives are as we’ve made them–we reap what we sow. The fear of ending up unhappy can paralyze us, cripple us, or in some rare and beautiful cases, drive us forward to achievements unlimited. It sounds cliche but it’s who we are in those few instances where we teeter between conviction and indecision that tell us everything we wanted to know about ourselves. As my dad has told me before, it’s not easy to do the right thing. Especially when the only reward is you knowing you did it. And doing the right thing becomes even harder when the line between right and wrong blurs. Where’s the line between giving someone a second chance and making sure you don’t get hurt again? Where’s the line between doing something for yourself, something you deserve, and selfishness? Where’s the line between living in the moment and planning for your future? I’ve looked for the rights and the wrongs and stay convinced I’m doing the right thing. But where’s the line between self-assuredness and self-righteousness?

My brain just wants my heart to be out of harm’s way.
My heart just wants.

And it’s funny how the two things we want so often come into direct opposition.



Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s