*originally posted on myspace on 10/11/2008*
Ah, snowy, blinding winter. To me, every season reminds me of different feelings, but winter brings the strongest. I think it’s because during summer I’m so busy running around, having fun, trying to cram as much into a three month span as I can, that I never get really contemplative like I do during the winter. As far back as I can remember, winter has been a necessary evil, like a dentist appointment, that I never really think about until it’s here, and then spend the rest of the time wishing it would just be over. With this year’s fall being under a month, I didn’t really have time to brace myself, I guess. I never got the chance to get into the Arctic mindset. And yet, every year winter reminds me of intangible [i]things[/i], that are indelible as they are nostalgic. The tingling of your toes a half hour after you’ve been inside. Getting leveled in park football, only to pop back up and shake the snow out of your ears, mouth, nose, and underpants. The rosy noses of little kids, whose excitement buries their chilliness. That first perfect snowball of the year, the one that takes the little hairs off your gloves with it when you throw it. The frustration of deciding whether it’s worth it to scald your mouth on a mug of hot chocolate. The snow’s grating crunch underfoot, and the soft whump it makes diving into it. Even school feels different: artificial light, the sight of sweaters, the smell of cough drops.
I still prefer the sun.
I definitely feel a crushing need to get outside of Montana. I don’t know why; I love my family, I love familiarity, I love Montana. But I just feel like I have to. It’s a need, it’s a want, and I have to make it happen it seems like. Where does one go to stretch their wings though? For me, it’s definitely West Coast. I like the whole West Coast vibe. It fits me, I think. I just wish Montana wasn’t such a good journalism school because that blunts my reasons for leaving state. I mean, if I do leave, I have to go to a college better than U of M for that. Oregon, maybe? There’re a couple places in California I would like to go to, as well. We’ll see. As time goes by though it feels like the weight is building.
This 18th birthday thing doesn’t feel different at all.