*originally posted 8/26/2008*
When I’m talking about something I feel strongly about, my mind races much farther ahead than my mouth can, and I stutter. Or, mostly I just can’t spit the word out. It hangs on the balance just past my lips, and finally comes out all jumbled together usually accompanied by flecks of spittle. Pleasant, I know. There are lots of things I need to say, just waiting to burst and flood the valley like Isengard. I’m getting better at saying them, at getting things off my chest, of making myself a better person. But I can’t do it all by myself, and that’s the problem. Dustin’s blogs are artistic, as eloquent as they are confusing. I try to avoid that, that’s just not my style. I try to speak cleanly and directly, but often times it hurts to be blunt and I have to shimmy around the details.
I like making people happy, but I’m no prostitute. I’m picking up the hints and I know what you want, but I can’t give it to you. You know that. I wish I could just tell you what you want to hear because I know how happy it would make you. And it would make me happy to, but only because I know it would make you happy. That’s confusing, but confusion’s your specialty. The thing is, deep down, it’s not what I want. I have to be selfish, you know that, right? It’s not good to sacrifice what you really want to make others happy. In the end, you both get hurt, I’ve learned that more than once. I’m sorry. I can’t emphasize that enough because I know what you’re constantly hoping for, and I know you don’t want to give up on it, and I also totally know you’ll eventually get it. But not from me.
In clearer, less narrow matters, I agreed to start watching One Tree Hill. Now, sadly I wish I could say that this was because some beautiful exotic girl I met at work mentioned this was her favorite show and teased her playfully about it and after we went on a long, amazing date she tricked me into watching it with her. Nope. Nolan wants me too. Because, and keep this a secret…Nolan likes it. So he’s my bud. I’ll watch it. He’s not very beautiful and exotic though. Sorry, man. Anyway, anyone watch it before? Is it good?
I just wrote what I consider to be a pretty good english paper. And I know it’s good because I edited. Yeah, I know. That’s why most of my blogs aren’t very good. I never edit. Type that keyboard and post the crap that drips out on the internet. =]
I mentioned that I might do some shoutouts this blog. I’m a liar.
What else? There’s more to say, I know, especially since I haven’t written in a while. I guess I’m done for now.
Wow, this one’s just not that good.
P.S. Watch / Listen to Flight of the Conchords. Please.